©bigjettardis


zzazu:

i-come-by-it-honestly:

John Scalzi gets it.

right on the fucking nail






62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.

  • <b> </b> 1. Tony is not allowed to replace the entire contents of the cafeteria with pop-tarts just because Thor has declared it the ‘food of the gods.’<p><b></b> 2. Natasha is not allowed to interrogate new S.H.I.E.L.D. employees and dispose of the ones she deems unworthy.<p><b></b> 3. Clint is not allowed to continue insisting that is the final step of the interview process to terrified new hires.<p><b></b> 4. Tony is not allowed to broadcast sing-along songs into the Hulk-cage, no matter amusing he finds teaching Hulk “Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around”<p><b></b> 5. Clint is not allowed to put the security feed of the Hulk’s Teddy Bear dance on Youtube.<p><b></b> 6. Bruce is not allowed to hack into personnel files to look up blackmail material on Director Fury.<p><b></b> 7. Tony is not allowed to insist that he’s already done so and that Fury’s middle name is Rainbow Sprinkles…. Because it isn’t.<p><b></b> 8. Thor is not allowed to be naked at Headquarters. Ever.<p><b></b> 9. Steve is not allowed to address any female S.H.I.E.L.D. agents as ‘little lady,’ ‘broad,’ or ‘dame.’ It only ends in getting slapped.<p><b></b> 10. Agent Coulson’s name isn’t “Mom.”<p><b></b> 11. Director Fury should never again be addressed as “Dad”<p><b></b> 12. Agent Hill is not the Avenger’s wicked stepmother.<p><b></b> 13. Clint is not allowed to lurk in the shadowy rafters spying on people, unless specifically instructed to do so for an official S.H.I.E.L.D. sanctioned mission.<p><b></b> 14. ‘Operation Irritate the Fuck Out of Nick Fury’ is not an official mission, no matter what Tony or Natasha say to the contrary.<p><b></b> 15. Debriefings should not be preceded by tequila shots.<p><b></b> 16. Debriefings should not be followed by tequila shots.<p><b></b> 17. There are to be no shots of any kind during debriefings.<p><b></b> 18. Thor and Hulk will wait to fight until after the battle is over.<p><b></b> 19. Tony Stark is not God’s gift to women.<p><b></b> 20. The Avengers do not need matching uniforms.<p><b></b> 21. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to have a contest to see who can make a bigger “boom” in the lab.<p><b></b> 22. Thor is not allowed to join in and make the biggest boom with his hammer.<p><b></b> 23. The Avengers will not be celebrating Steve’s 94th birthday.<p><b></b> 24. The laboratory is not Tony and Bruce’s ‘Super Secret Genius Clubhouse.’ They are not allowed to bar entry to employees based on IQ test results.<p><b></b> 25. The Avengers are not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.<p><b></b> 26. Iron Man is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.<p><b></b> 27. Tony Stark is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.<p><b></b> 28. Thor is not allowed to ‘bring down the wrath of Odinson’ on the person who ate the last package of pop-tarts.<p><b></b> 29. Pants are not optional at team meetings.<p><b></b> 30. ‘Pepper said it was okay’ is not a good enough reason to defy a director order from command.<p><b></b> 31. The words “What’s the worst that could happen?” are never to be uttered on a mission ever again.<p><b></b> 32. MC Hammer did not write Thor a theme song.<p><b></b> 33. Gumby is not the love child of Bruce Banner and Reed Richards.<p><b></b> 34. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to impersonate members of the clergy ever again. Ever.<p><b></b> 35. Blasting ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ at top volume into Bruce’s room on loop overnight is not an effective way to suppress the Hulk.<p><b></b> 36. Hawkeye is not sitting in the rafters waiting to pick off people playing Galaga on their computer during work hours.<p><b></b> 37. Tony is not allowed to bribe Natasha and Clint to physically, emotionally or psychologically torture General Ross for being ‘a great big douchebucket’ and ‘being mean to Brucie-kins.’<p><b></b> 38. Steve is ‘Captain America’ not ‘Captain New York and those 49 other, lesser states.’<p><b></b> 39. ‘Hulk SMASH!’ is not an effective diplomatic policy.<p><b></b> 40. Tony is not allowed to buy the Dodgers and move them back to Brooklyn to apologize for lighting Steve’s hair on fire.<p><b></b> 41. The phrase ‘Trust me, I’m a doctor’ never leads anywhere good.<p><b></b> 42. It is not funny to dare Bruce to drink three quarts of green food coloring before a urine test.<p><b></b> 43. Steve is not to be introduced as ‘Captain Tightpants’ or ‘The All-American Virgin.’<p><b></b> 44. The Avengers do not ‘charge into battle, naked like the Celts.’ Except for The Hulk. Sometimes.<p><b></b> 45. Natasha’s glare is not in fact fatal. Tony is not allowed to continue implying that it is.<p><b></b> 46. Tony is not allowed to convince Bruce to help him make death ray goggles so that it will be.<p><b></b> 47. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow the American government, just because they didn’t like the results from the last election.<p><b></b> 48. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow any government, without checking in with S.H.I.E.L.D. first.<p><b></b> 49. Clint is not allowed to sell Thor any ‘magic beans.’<p><b></b> 50. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to try to sell Tony to another planet, even if they are promised really cool new weapons in exchange.<p><b></b> 51. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go to any science conferences without a chaperone.<p><b></b> 52. A robot Tony built does not count as a chaperone.<p><b></b> 53. Nikola Tesla is not a vampire being held in the bowels of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.<p><b></b> 54. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go searching for him in the name of Science!<p><b></b> 55. Clint’s super-power is not ‘being super-annoying.’<p><b>56. The following words and phrases are never to be uttered over communication devices during an active mission ever again:</b> “Exploring sexuality,” “Necrophilia,” “It’s getting hot in herr, so take off all your clothes,” “I hate everyone on this mission and I wish they’d die in a fire,” “Nick Fury can go suck on a big bag of sausages,” references to Bruce’s giant stash of weed, mention of anyone’s erection, or “Shawarma.”<p><b></b> 57. If it makes Tony giggle for more than 30 seconds, it isn’t allowed.<p><b></b> 58. If it makes Natasha crack a smile, it’s probably illegal.<p><b></b> 59. Thor taking Jane to see Asgard does not count as an alien abduction. Clint should stop referring to it as such.<p><b></b> 60. Just because Bruce agreed to work in Tony’s lab, does not mean he needs to get a “Property of Stark Industries” tattoo.<p><b></b> 61. Tony is not allowed to design a robot to draw said tattoo on Bruce when he falls asleep in the lab.<p><b></b> 62. Post-mission reports to Director Fury should not start out ‘So let me explain…’<p>





bacon20:
you asked for it: fmk: bones, kirk, spock (reboot)

Ahahaha, okay.

Fuck: Spock, just because I think it would be really interesting. (For science, obviously.) I wouldn’t mind if Uhura insisted on joining in, either.

Marry: BONES. If I’m going to attach myself to any of these three permanently, it’s definitely going to be Bones. And those hands….mmm, think of all the backrubs/massages.

Kill: Sorry, Kirk. I like you, but yeah.






Blow up my inbox.

athousanderrors:

  • Would you rather..
  • Fuck, kill or marry
  • This or that
  • Personal questions
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  • Random questions
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  • Anything you want!

hey, with a bunch of new followers, seems a good time to do this. HAVE AT IT, PEOPLES.


source:casandcats
posted 12 hours ago






"Clay and his unit?" That sounds like a porno, Wade.





well, put some skates on. be your own hero. 






daporathomis:

none of you are subtle (aka ot4 ship combos)
↳requested by anon!






SEBASTIAN “WHY DID I SAY THE THING” STAN






stereowire:

baby i’m gonna leave you drowning until you reach for my hand
don’t look at me this is one hundred percent brodinsons's fault

stereowire:

baby i’m gonna leave you drowning until you reach for my hand

don’t look at me this is one hundred percent brodinsons's fault






anthonyedwardstarks:

Marvel Cinematic Universe known Working Titles.